Long live Guilderland’s suburban cowboys

I call them the suburban cowboys. These are the young men who stand on the rear bumper of the Town of Guilderland Highway Department trucks, looking for all the world like cowboys, riding a horse sidesaddle.

They come by every now and then and take your tied and bound sticks and branches, as well as your bagged leaves, twigs, and weeds. We are very lucky to have these guys coming around on a regular basis. Many other towns don’t have anything like this, and I really do appreciate it.

Normally, I put yard waste in my little utility trailer. Then, when it’s filled, I tow it to the landfill and empty it there.

However, this year I had many other events and responsibilities that required me to keep the trailer available for other uses at a moment’s notice, like moving and hauling. I had to keep it empty at all times.

So that’s how I became a fan of the suburban cowboys, by putting out bag after bag of yard waste for them to gladly take. They really helped me out when I needed them.

Imagine being a young guy with a free summer, needing a job between college semesters. Then the opportunity to become a suburban cowboy pops up. What a great deal that is.

Think about it: You’re outside all day, waving to the girls when you see them, enjoying the best weather of the year. How much better is that than updating overdue spreadsheets with a boss breathing down your neck, or slinging burgers behind a hot, greasy grill.

I wish I could have been a suburban cowboy when I was that age. That would have been the bees knees, as they used to say.

Now promise me that, if you know any of the suburban cowboys, you won’t tell them about the next part of this story. Just keep this between you and me.

Why ruin it for these kids? Let them go on thinking they have the greatest summer job in the world. Deal? Good. I knew I could trust you.

I’ve been working from home on a part-time basis for a while now. I have my computer set up on a desk facing a window. This means I can watch the world go by as I toil with keeping all those recalcitrant bits and bytes in order.

So, when I put out lawn bags for pickup, I get to stare at them for the entire eight to 10 days it takes for the suburban cowboys to come by and pick them up. So far so good, but “aye, there’s the rub” (thank you, Bill Shakespeare).

My lovely neighborhood is uber dog friendly. I mean, really, really dog friendly, such that I see dog walkers pass by my house all day long. Being conservative, let’s say eight dog walkers pass my house every day.

Again, being conservative, just to make sure I get this right, let’s say half the dogs that pass by “mark” my lawn bags. By mark, I mean they make their human stop, as if they’ve never seen a lawn bag before.

Then they sniff all around the bag profusely, sopping up whatever nasty smells are there. Then, for good measure, they lift a hind leg and happily pee right on the lawn bag. What fun to be so unencumbered by normal constraints of decorum, hahaha.

So, over 10 days, which is about how often the suburban cowboys visit, my lawn bags are marked by the neighborhood dogs, conservatively, 40 times (do the math). That means that, when these strapping young men hop off the truck and bear hug those huge, overstuffed bags to shove them in the hopper, they are actually grabbing giant pee-soaked sponges.

Yuck! Let’s hope they get a good shower at the end of the day.

Listen, every job has its perks and quirks. Some things are good; some things are not so good.

Truly, being a suburban cowboy has a huge upside. I wish I’d had that kind of summertime job when I was going to school.

What fun to be outside all day, getting paid to hang off the side of a truck, watching the world fly by. So what if the leaf bags you have to pick up all day are covered in dog pee?

At least that’s a natural substance. It’s not like breathing in asbestos or some other toxic chemical. And look at the bright side: At the end of the day, before you shower, every dog you meet will take special interest in you for sure.

The suburban cowboys of Guilderland are truly local heroes, in my opinion. I’m very glad we have them. Rock on, boys, and, if you stop by to say hello, please shower first.