Altamont Library Notes for Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Halloween is right around the corner, so be sure to put your turn signals on as you head down Main Street. Last year, there was a head-on collision with a tractor-trailer. Rubber bats flew as far as 50-feet. If it happens to rain this year, the fallen candy corn will melt into a runny mess that will harden into a brown-yellow-orange paste all along the roads just in time for Thanksgiving.
Don’t forget to test your kids’ candy to make sure it’s safe for you to sneak handfuls of when they’re not looking. Keep your eyes out for the annual holiday specials for shows debuting either on Saturday morning or Wednesday evening, depending on your age. Take your orange and black clothes out of the closet for a festive look that would be right at home on some of Hollywood’s more refined celebrities, such as the Adams family! For some E-Z Halloween decorations, simply refrain from doing any dusting, vacuuming, cobweb-cleaning, or general routine home maintenance for a little while, and watch as your residence turns into a perfect example of a spectacularly elaborate Halloween decoration. At least, that’s my excuse. Of course, it will be necessary to burn said home down afterwards, but that is a small price to pay. Tell your friends! Please don’t mention my name!
As you head out into the night with your kids and their officially licensed costumes that make them look just like their officially licensed hero or heroine, save for the fact that they’re three feet tall and wearing little red sneakers. They also tend to wander into things – bushes, ravines, houses, you – because they can’t see through their masks since the alternative is usually makeup. This wouldn’t be so bad, except their makeup tends to smear after an hour or so, so that as the night wears on, they start to look less like you remember their beloved fictional character, and more like the character after they have fallen victim to a zombie plague. This, come to think of it, is quite appropriate for Halloween.
Don’t forget to stop by the Altamont Free Library during your trick-or-treat rounds this year, and happy Halloween to all of you out there!